First Sermon

[attendant (deleted)]

The new priest, at his first mass, was so afraid he could hardly speak. Before his second week in the pulpit he asked the monseignor how he could relax. The monseignor told him to put vodka in the water pitcher in place of water. "After a few sips" he said, "everything should go smoothly." The next week, the young priest put his elder's suggestion into practice and really talked up a storm. After the sermon was over, he asked the monseignor how he had done. To which the monseignor replied "You did fine, but there are a few things you should learn before you address the congregation again."

1. Next time sip the vodka, rather than gulp it down by the glassful

2. There are 10 commandments, NOT 12.

3. There are 12 disciples, NOT 10.

4. David slew goliath. He didn't "Kick the s--- out of him."

5. We don't refer to our saviour Jesus Christ and his disciples as "The late J.C. and crew."

6. Next sunday, there will be a taffy pulling contest at ST. Peter's, not a petere pulling contest at ST. Taffy's!

7. We don't refer to the cross as "The big T."

8. The father, son, and holy spirit aren't referred to as "The big daddy, junior, and the spook.

9. And last but not least, it's the virgin Mary, not "Mary with the cherry!"

Couldn't resist...

[amazonqueenv_PREV (deleted)]

.This is hillarious!

[jhamael]

. i am seeking a tall, slender, dark female

[lectricmania_PREV (deleted)]

.I'm just looking for a female, for starters. I'll figure out the rest later.